The reality of my life is such that I should be able to run as often as I want/need to. I'm a stay at home parent. We don't fill our days so full that there is no opportunity to run.
Recently, however, my brain is not allowing me to realize this. Someone out there must feel that they identify with the following excuses
at least one; please tell me I'm not alone!:
- It's too cold (seasonal - sometimes it's too hot).
- It's raining too hard.
- It's too early/late/dark.
- Spud is heavy in the stroller.
- Spud will only sit still for about 20 minutes - if I'm lucky - before he wants to get out to run.
- I just don't feel like it.
- I feel like I'm holding other people back since I've lost all my speed.
- I'm self-conscious about the weight I've gained over the summer and how I look in my running clothes (I'm not overweight, but am not comfortable with my current weight).
I am stuck in a vicious cycle. I make excuses, don't run, feel fat and lazy, still don't run because I don't see the point, and all that serves to do is perpetuate those feelings. I know that self doubt and a lack of motivation are my main issues. If I don't have a desire to haul my butt out the door I won't go. Eventually to get back on track I'm going to have to ignore the extremely loud voice in my head that is telling me I'm not good enough and that I should quit. Short of a frontal lobotomy I'm still trying to figure out how to effectively do that.
There are excuses I need to tell to shove it right off the bat. Weather can't be an excuse. I live in Vancouver, BC, for Pete's sake! It's going to rain and it's going to rain often. My weight can eff off too. Yes, I'm feeling bad about it. Mainly because I am comparing myself to how I looked back in May after a full marathon training cycle. I notice it far more than anyone else and am my worst critic. I need to get back the mentality I had when I bought my first pair of tights. I cannot see myself running down the road. So what if things are moving about? If anything at least I can say that I made an effort to get out and better myself.
The time of day is a huge issue for me simply because I can't go out early or late on my own. Neither Colin nor I are comfortable with it. We don't live in a terrible neighbourhood, but prefer that I don't take the risk. If any of my friends reading this are interested in either early, early or post-kiddo-bedtime runs message me!
My struggle really lays with the oft-cursed stroller, the expectations of a 4-1/2 year old, and my willingness to deal with both. It is far too easy to say it's too much effort to get everything together for a >1 hour run. And yes, it is easier (and warmer, drier, etc) to stay home. But I'm only doing myself a disservice. In the long run - totally unintentional pun - no one cares if I run but me (well, maybe Colin, but that's because he has to live with me).
What I need is to be held accountable. Ask me how my non-training running is doing. Come January ask how my marathon training is progressing. Ask if I sucked it up, threw on the rain cover, and took Spud out with me. Essentially, continue to give me the kick in the butt I so obviously am in need of.
The best I can do is try, but I know that I need to because, at the end of the day, it's about taking care of myself and setting a good example for Spud. It's about what I do and about how I feel about myself.